 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Always Stay in Stock... Posted:9th May, 2005
|
Laugh and STAR (Sit tight and relax) as you read on Do you know that when you say COAST you are simply saying "COme And See Trouble"?
POLISH DIVORCE...
A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so; and, although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "JA, JA, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms."
LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
POLE: "It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," he responded.
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No," he replied, "we have a two-car carport, and have never really needed one."
LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations are in Poland."
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set &DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
LAWYER: "No, I mean Does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "NO, I'm always up before her."
LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"
POLE: "NO, she is white."
LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me."
LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof.
LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read ......
it says,
'Polish Remover'."
Adebayo Olusegun: June, 2005
|
Just cut your hair first
A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car."
Father replies, :"O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see."
Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"
Father replies, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair."
Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair."
Father replies, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."
Adebayo Olusegun: 9th May, 2005
Born Again Cars Cars in Nigeria now zoom the streets with stickers associated to the class of the car. On most jeeps, you see the sticker: "The Lord has lifted me up". On S-class, E-class, Honda Accord, Prelude and other cars in that category, you see the sticker: "I am the apple of God's eyes". On cars like 504 and other Tokunbo, you'll notice that stickers: "Touch not my anointed". On cars like the good old beetle Ijapa and Panel vans (salake) you'll see the sticker: "Let the weak say I am strong".
There are other cars especially those that cannot pass MOT or any other road worthiness test. These cars are simply moving coffins (like the one from Idi-Araba to Ilasamaja) They have no brand name and no trace of manufacturers or countries of origin. They are more liable to fall apart any moment (you may need to hold the door with your hand or with a piece of string) Guess what sticker you see on these ones: "Relax God is in control".
Adebayo Olusegun: April, 13th 2004.
Hilarious
One one sunny day, a man was walking along the street close to a big restaurant. A large signboard fixed in front of the testaurant reads "EAT AS MUCH AS YOU WANT BECAUSE YOUR GRANDSON WILL PAY FOR IT." At the sight of the inscription on the sign board the man turned and entered the restaurant.
"Give me international dish, bring vegitable salad in another plate. I want a mixture of pork and beef and do riot forget to add turkey and chiken, then give me six bottles of sans water" ordered the man. Soon the waiter came with all the requests and the man began to eat with all the pleasure 'after all my grandson will pay for it', he thought. He was still busy with it when the waiter brought a fat bill of N 72, 000.00 to the man. The man shouted "You must be jocking, can't you read what your Management wrote of the sign board outside?".
The waiter explained to him that the N 72, 000.00 bill is not for the food on his table but for the food his grand father ate 50 years ago. At this he fainted.
Adebayo Olusegun: April, 14th 2004.
The Lazy Teacher Day 1
Teacher: Good morning class.
Class: Good morning, ma
Teacher: Do you know what I am about to teach?
Class: No ma.
Teacher: Since you don't know what I am about yo teach you, what is
the sennse in teaching you, I take my leave.
Day 2:
(After coming in and after the nornam greetins.)
Teacher: Do you know what I am about to teach?.
Class: Yes, ma
Teacher: Since you know already, let me just keep quiet see you later
Day 3
(She enters and asked the same question but they were very confused)
Teacher: I hope you know what I am about to teach you?
Class: (In deep thought) Half of the shouts "NO", the other shouts "YES."
Teacher: Class captain, I want you to organise the class in such a way that the
people that know should teach those that don't know. Is that taken?
Adebayo Olusegun: April, 13th 2004.
Man or Animal
An unemployed guy got a new job at the zoo. They offered him to dress up in a gorillas skin and pretend to be a gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. On his first day on the job, the guy puts on the skin and goes into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. Hes terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or well both lose our jobs!"
Green, Pink and Yellow
A man travelled of of the country going to Germany on getting to the Germany border, he was asked to speak their language which he could not speak. He was later given another option which he must pass before he can be allowed to enter. The man at the border asked him to make a sentence with: Green, Pink and Yellow. The traveller said that is a simple one. He said: "When the phone rang 'green green green, I pink it it and I said yellow, yellow yellow
Adebayo Olusegun, June 24th, 2004
Pretend to Be Married
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea, let's pretend we're married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies, turning over, "Get your own damn blanket."
Adebayo Olusegun, May 2nd, 2005
|
|
